what i really want to

i found my self not alone..
there's always friends, family, and many
its like i need time to be alone. Think hard what i wanted in life?
what i am looking for?
i have been waiting for the answer because i havent found the best answer
been confusing with all the things that come to my life suddenly and gone!
no reason for those..
i never invited them in my life
they dont get any permission of me
but i know they always make my life is meant.
back to alone time to me.
when i thought i was being alone in my room..i felt that no one cares about me
no one ask me what happen to you?
even you knew yo u just need to be alone and so selfish when u think that no one cares of ya
its usual for me.
i am always thinking to be the best. its normal. but i want to be the one who expert in English because i know i havent been like that. not like my cousin who had flew to the japan, usa, and other country.
i wanna be like them. i have been trying all the time to reaarange the  words in english well but i found my self has been forced. i did it not with my heart. it just because you wanna be like someone who expert in english than you. speak fluently, excellent in written..
you cant be the one that you adore at.
you have to be just your self
because many people proud of you, if you wanna know.
unlucky i hadent knew that
i didnt realized that
now i have just watched the movie. the movie was teach me how life is so hard than math. because in movie the main artist is the one who crazy with math. and she found her self good in math, and she tought her life so hard than math.
she just always think about her life. she doesnt care with another till she found the guy who never gived up to get her. he always trying to do something with the girl and the girl always avoid him.
i hope someday i will fnd the guy who care about me, not only with me tough. absoultly he has to care with my family too. and never give up to get what he wants in life.
i love to see someone do effort to get something he wants. it shows me he really wanted and dont wanna lose it.
in the end of this story is u dont need to give up in everything because you know that all things has the solution. adn love the sacrifice! :) xx
good night folks!